Ebon Nights #1: Varenna Sungale

Hello once again – it’s treat time!

Tonight, we’ll be visiting our first ever edition of Ebon Nights, and it’s a good one! A bit off from the official idea of a nice date and talk, but it’s still a technical date and talk!

I wanted someone special for the first edition, so I picked my favorite person in the entire world – despite her inability to go on a proper date – Varenna Sungale!

Disney Villains... Beware!!!

For those of you who don’t know Varenna Sungale, she’s a paladin, and an awesome one at that. If individually-wrapped cheese slices could cause orgasms on touch, they’d be called Varenna Sungales.

She’s going to kill me when she reads that… Hopefully she touches me in the process though!

Anyways, our “date” took place in the grand lobby of the always comfortable Icecrown Citadel, a.k.a. Light’s Hammer.  It’s cold. But that’s ok, I’m sorta-dead, she’s Light-filled, and we had hot cocoa and marshmallows! (Or Marshmallow choco-pops if you don’t drink it fast!)

You see, Varenna and I have been taking an active part in the storming of Icecrown Citadel. She’s been off on the front lines, shield high and heart heroic – but they’ve made me mostly stay and work at the base camp. BOOOORING. But it’s here, where we found ourselves inside a tent full of blankets and arcane heaters to try and keep warm, while we had our discussion, which, speaking of, starts now!

“Okay, Renna… Gotta just get this hello out of the way. Scribble scribble… So, Hello, Varenna – thank you for taking me out on this lovely date to chit chat with me!”

“Er.  M-my pleas-  Raya, you see me every day…”

“And every night too! Not while you sleep though… Promise! Hmm, maybe I should strike that out… Umm, I like your attire for the date, full armor suits you more than a bundle of blankets does me!”

“W-well, I-  wait.  Date?  You said this was going to be an interview!”

“Well, yes. I’m interviewing you on our date. And I’m going to write down everything said on my trusty little scribe’s pad here, and publish it under my Ebon Nights column in the Stormwind Bugle!” (A small note about our resident Shiny Girl – she’s very shy, but prone to my superior deceptive intellect. And when she reads this note, I will probably die.)

“J-just stop calling it a date.  I don’t have time for dates.  A- and stop hogging the blankets, please!”

“We’re sharing blankets and I’m not allowed to call it a dat-OW! Scabbards don’t do there, that hurt! …Erm, in the ribs, readers, in the ribs!”

“You put your ribs there on purpose.  D-did you have questions or not?  …I feel so silly…”

“Did not! Do too! Let’s start with an easy one here. Why don’t you tell me what it feels like to be a Paladin; a righteous holy avenger who yawns in the face of evil, protects the weak, crushes tyranny, and attracts all the hottest people?”

“I-  Raya…  Wait, y- you’re serious, aren’t you?  I do not attract all the hottest people!”

“Shall I start naming names, or do you wanna answer my question?” (It was there that I gave her the eyebrow raise of doom! Wahaha!)

“I-I’m ignoring that last part.  Er.  ….I-it feels good, Raya.  W-with it being my whole purpose for living, a- and all.  I don’t know.  I guess it just feels like what I’m supposed to be doing.”

“You say it’s your whole purpose for living, and being that I fight alongside you quite often, and know you rather well, I can attest. But one has to wonder, do you ever feel the pull of your biological clock? Does it ever tell you to lead the life of a normal human being? Marriage, children, a garden in the back yard, ecetera?”

“…No.” (Raya’s note: Her eyes definitely did the shifty glance. I’m debating bringing it up, but if she’s going after Arthas, what could I possibly do?! Ah, screw it!)

“Renna, you did that look you always do when you don’t mean what you say. Ok, so you don’t have to have kids, but a life away from it? You’re not gonna retire one day?!”

“…I-I’m not sure I’m comfortable talking about this, Raya. ..I do want a garden someday.”

“Well, at the request of your very lovely eyes, I will move on to the next topic, leaving all the interested readers with your want for a garden! You’re a human, but was raised in Silvermoon, right?”

“Th-thank you.  Er.  …Yes..  I-I’m not sure this is better..”

“Oh, well… Hmm… Can we talk about your phobia of socks?”

“It’s not a phobia.  I-it’s an Issue.”

“Ah-hah, progress! Please, inform us about the issue. Tell us what it is about socks that gets to you?”

“Well… Th- they go on feet..”

“Yes, they do! I’m wearing pink ones now, leg warmers even! But, pray-tell, what is it about socks going on feet… That makes this an issue?”

“I-it just is.  Socks are bad.  Next question please.”

“Very well. What do you wear instead of socks, and can I see?” (Hint: No matter what she says, everyone, they’re still socks! Seriously, how cute is she?!)

“I wear socks.”

“…Oh. Uhh, um… SO! Tell us about your experience here in the citadel thus far!”

“It’s very cold.  There are lots of zombies, and people are dying.  Sometimes I get blown up, gnawed on, or zombie-piled.”

“She doesn’t mean playing tag with Fredrick Fritz either, readers. This is most definitely a real war here, and these men and women are truly risking more than their lives here. Varenna, dear, would you say that you are winning? Or is the Lich King ahead at this point in time?”

“We’re winning.  He’s going to die.  …Again.”

“Huzzah! Hee! I should hug you for such good news!”

“Y-you’ve been here the entire time…”

“That’s right, but not on the front like you have been. You make this news all the more better. Oh yeah, and I’m totally writing in your stutters and pauses to the text. People should know just how cute you really are!”

“B- R-Raya that-  th-that really isn’t necessary, I- I-”

“You are gorgeous, and wonderful, and people should see that. And since I’m the lucky oe who sees you in person, they’ll have to see you through proper texts. Shall we continue, Snuggles?”

“W-  …Snuggles?”

“Oops, sorry, did I say that out loud? It just goes good with Sungale, and these blankets… HEY! What’s this rumor about a Horde and Alliance fight high above the citadel? What’s your opinion about that?”

“They’re idiots, b-but it was inevitable.  Those airships were destined to blow each other up someday.  Waste of resources.”

“I really couldn’t agree more. At least the Ebon Blade and the Argent Crusade are keeping their priorities straight. Speaking of, you’re a Crusader; how do you view the relationship between the Crusaders and the Runeknights?”

“Well.  Er.  I-I know it’s been strained sometimes.  B-but personally…  If you look at it as a sane person, Raya- of anyone, Ebon Knights have the most cause to want retribution, and the greatest skill to bring it.  …And so do we.  I-it’s the only intelligent match one could make.”

“And united, we will see the Lich King’s day come to an end Varenna, you truly are a Champion of the Light, and the type of hero who will be written about. I bet  Lord Fordring would totally buy you a drink if you showed some neckline!”

“…..” (These dots, folks, indicate that I broke her. One moment while her brain recovers.)

“Ok, so I’m back with Varenna Sungale, and her brain works again! Varenna? Are you ready for the Twenty-Five Questions mini-game?!”

“..W-weren’t you asking questions already…?”

“Yes, that was just the interview though, the twenty five mini-game will be the same for everyone! And whoever answers them all gets a special treat!”

“…” (She’s not broke this time, I don’t.. Aww, shucks…)

“Ahem, back again, and much hot cocoa has been consumed! Snuggles, here we go! One;  Have you ever stolen from the proverbial cookie jar? If so, explain.”

“..I don’t understand the question.”

“Have you ever done something sneaky that you werne’t supposed to. Something that was a guilty pleasure, ala, a child sneaking cookies from the jar behind his mother’s back. Being that I’m a baker’s daughter, I have done that a lot!”

“No, I haven’t.”

“…Oh.” (WOW! ~Liiiight, is shiiiiining briiiiight! On the hooooooly giiiirl toniiiiight!~) “Two; Who is the most powerful being you’ve defeated as a hero of the Argent Crusade?”

“There was a dreadlord.” It took her quite some time to answer this one. Whether it was her sorting through the catalogue or bad memories – it isn’t part of the question!

“Mmm, I remember the aftermath of that… Three; What’s your favorite quote? Can be by anyone, even yourself!”

“I-I don’t have a favorite quote.”

“Oh… Well, my favorite quote, spoken by Darren Hargerty, on my third ever date with a man since becoming a Runeknight, was; “I’m too damn drunk to skin this shoveltusk.” I think i intimidated him! …Um, anyways!  Four; Do you like to dance? If so, what kind of dance suits you? Don’t fib, I know the answer to this one!”

“I don’t dance.”  (Oh, cold stare, how you warm me so!)

“Try again!”

“…I don’t dance.”

“And my hair doesn’t naturally bounce like a storybook princess! Five; If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?”

“That doesn’t make any sense.  I-invisible intentionally?  Or someone made me invisible?”

“It’s a great mystery of the universe! One day, you wake up, and you just know you’re invisible, and it’s gonna last for only one day, so you have to make the best of it. What do you do? Peek on me in the bat, sneak in and steal the quarterly tax collections, pull Arthas’ hair and there be nothing her can do about it?!”

“Well.  Er.  I-I suppose…  Most powerful Scourge agents have wards up against invisibility, s-so assassination is out of the question.  I would probably spend the day trying to become visible again so I wouldn’t inconvenience anyone.”

“Awwww! And if anyone ever asks why i love Renna so dearly, I shall reference them to this article. Hee. Six; What is your favorite area to spend time in? Azeroth or elsewhere.”

“I-..”

“C’mon, you can tell me!” (This is the part where I tried to bribe her with baloons and teddy bears, but Icecrown Citadel just wasn’t having any of it.)

“I- Sholazar.  Th-the parts without Scourge or hunters.”

(Due to the convenience of Varenna’s response and the seventh question on our list, I proceeded to giggle like a child for a few moments before continuing.)

“So perfect… *ahem* Seven; Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Would you ever? Do detail!”

“…No.  And no.”

“Aww, what if asked very nicely?”

“N- no!!”

“A million broken hearts! Moving on then before you twist my arm… Eight; What little, unknown talents do you possess?”

“I-  what sort of talents..?”

“Oh, anything! Do you have unnaturally pretty handwriting, can you cook really well? A flashy memory that makes puzzles an ease? Anything really!”

“…I- I’m an acceptable cook…”

“As I’ve witnessed! She’s cooked for me before, folks, and it was perfect. Oh, she didn’t say it, but she’s talented at being more humble than humanly possible. Humble pie? She’s a humble layer cake!”

“….”

“You have the best blush, Renna, ever! Nine; If this weekend, you could do ANYTHING you wanted, what would you do?”

“Kill the Lich King.”  (Bland Varenna is like, totally bland!)

“Caile owes me ten gold, I called it! And speaking of Caile… Ten; Who is the craziest, or silliest person you know?”

“Caile.”

“For those of you who don’t know our dear draenic friend, Caile T. Bluberri… Be glad. Eleven; If there would be one thing about yourself that you could change, what would it be? ..Only one thing.”

(A bit of hesitation here. I’m not sure exactly why she dislikes her gorgeous greens, but she definitely has a problem with them!)  “..The color of my eyes.”

“Regardless of color, they’re still just so fun to stare into. That’s me being fresh, by the way! Twelve; What’s your worst fear?”

“I- ..that’s a little personal, Raya…”

“But this is a tell-all interview! ..Socks? No, wait, those weren’t fear… Hmm, I’ll strike this question if you promise to cook me breakfast again.”

“Any-anything you want.”

“DING! (WOOT!) Thirteen; Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had a stuffed animal.”

“I was execting to hear that, and just because I was, I got you a gift when I had to report to Stormwind recently.”

“W-?  Y-you didn’t have to-  huh?”

“Lookie here! It’s your very own Palacow! Isn’t he cute?!” (It’s an honest to goodness, stuffed toy cow in shiny, shiiiiny armor. All made from cloth, of course. Sooooo cute!) “His name is Palamoo!”

“……..”

“Renna? Renna-doll?”

“…Palamoo?”

“Palamoo! ~We need a savior, we have to fight! Who is gonna – champion the Light? Palamoo! Palamoo, oh, why yes, that’s exactly who! Palamoo, Palamoo! Here to fight the scourge, on behalf of me and you!~“

“…” (It takes her a few seconds staring at the stuffed animal in her lap.  Eventually she gives the paladin-cow’s arms a half-hearted wiggle.)

“Why hullo there, mooooodam! I’m here to fight for mmmyoooo!” (Cut me some slack, I’m cute enough to do this stuff!) “He likes you! Does this mean you approve?”

“Yes.  Thank you, Raya.  …I-I still think you’re insane.” (Arm wiggle!)

“I.. He, hehehe… Four..hee…Fourteen; Have you ever felt you were in love? Yes and no is fine, no need to elaborate!”

“I don’t have time for love, Raya.  W-we’ve talked about this.”

“Two million broken hearts! Sorry, boys! Fifteen; If you were stranded on a deserted island with one person, who would it be?”

“Er.  I-I guess it would depend on who I was traveling with at the time?”  (Paladin does not compute question. Must be distracted by Palamoos.)

“No no, hee, you get to choose. You’re stranded there for the rest of your life, but you can only have one person there, who will be the only person you ever see again.”

“W-what if I choose a mage?  Couldn’t she teleport us away?”

“Nope. This island magically negates any means of leaving. Even a boat would just go in circles til it came back to the island. This is your last stop, eternal paradise! Unless you pick a jerk.”

“This question is ridiculous, Raya.”

“This question is waiting on an answer. You don’t even have to put a lot of thought into it. Just pick someone. Pick Mickey from Shooters. Pick Ilanna! Pick Genise! Pick me! I’d live on an island with you forever! But you have to pick. You wasted your bribe on the fear question.”

“B-but it isn’t a fair question.  My favorite people a- are mostly undead or much longer-lived than I am, so e-even if they could stand being trapped on an island from me, I’d die before long and then they’d be alone.  A-and the mortal ones have other things to spend their time on.”

“Well, I guess it’s assumption time!”

“Assumption time doesn’t er.  I-I don’t like the sound of that.”

“You said undead first. Which CLEARLY means you were thinking about me. So barring you going to the island alone, we’re totally stuck together in paradise! I win – next question!”

“But- n-no!  You can’t!  I’ll die a-and then you’ll be left alone.  …Don’t you dare raise me as a ghoul.”

“Promise! Unf! Take that, readers! Sixteen;  What’s your most embarrassing moment in life thus far?”

“I’m not sure.  Y- you’re doing a fair job of it…”

“Well, we’ll just answer that last question by asking you the next. Seventeen; What guy or girl would you want more than anyone for a single night of wild, unbridled passion?”

“I-I am not answering that question!”

“You didn’t say no-one, so that means it’s someone! Promise to introduce me to that one Third-Sergeant guy in your crew if i promise not to tell the readers who I believe it is?”

“You’re wrong.  S-so I’m not making any such promise.  But I’ll introduce you anyway.”

“Yes, thank you! Eighteen; If you could be any animal what would you be?”

“Other than human?”

“Nonhumanoid. Don’t be so literal, silly! You know, like a puppy dog, or a cow, or a wolf!”

“I’d be a phoenix, then.”

“Best phoenix ever! Nineteen; If you could do anything to the person you hate or dislike most what would it be?”

“Re-kill him.  I thought I answered this already.”

“Well, that’s only because your day off was filled with dead Arthas!” Twenty; Tell us about some of your pets?”

“My.. pets?  Raya, these questons are all non-sequiturs…”

“Whatever that means! C’mon, answer!”

“I- I have Gen.”

Gen:  SQUAWK FWOOSH (A Gen would be a phoenix. A little tiny one that was liberated from Kael’thas by Varenna, who took and befriended the fiery bird. The name Gen coming from fellow pyromancer and close friend of Varenna’s, Genise Crownsilver.)

“S-she’s more of a friend than a pet.  And.  Er.  Caile gave me a dog.  …I-I think it’s a dog.  ….It has three heads.  Er.  S-she named it Corey.  ….It eats my clothes.”

“And with three heads, that must be some appetite! I’m surprised you’re not naked now! Twenty-one; What’s your favorite subject to discuss?”

“…I- …er…”

“That’s not even a semblance of an answer!”

“I-I’m thinking!”

“Oh dear… Well, we’ll wait! Take your time. It’s only one line to the readers.”

“I- er-  I- I guess it would be the theological and moral implications of the existence and combat against undeath.”

“Oh… Uhhh…”

(Several confused minutes later.) “Um… T..Twenty-two; Boxers, briefs, granny fit, full and snug, thong, or T-back?”

“…You’re joking.”

“Not a chance! It’s only underwear!”

“Your readers do not need to know what sort of underwear I wear.”

“I never asked what kind you wear. I just asked what kind you think are the best!”

“I don’t even recognize half those words!”

“I can bring out examples from my bags, or you can just pick one.” (This will be good!)

“I-I don’t-  w-  Raya!”

“This is the thong. I don’t have the grannies… One moment, I’m wearing the T… Pick, hurry!”

“Boxers!  Boxers, d-dear Light, you don’t have to show me!”

“Ahh, education! Aaaaand – Twenty-three; Do you prefer the sunrise or sunset? Though we just found out by the color of your cheeks that you really do love a full moon.”

“Raya!”

“You read it here, folks. I am the sunrise AND the sunset! I’m so sorry, Renna… Only two more questions. Hee.”

“…G-get on with it then…”

“Yes ma’am. Twenty-four; What is the most romantic thing that ever happened to you?”

“I don’t have time for romance.”

“So I see… And our last question. Number twenty-five;  Say the nicest, most true thing you personally think about me, Rayala Alleria, hee!”

“Y- you’re very nice, and I like you a lot, even though you’re insane.”

“Only about you, baby. Thank you so much, Varenna, this has been really, really fun!”

“You’re welcome.  ..I-  I think.”

“Everyone, this was the opening issue of Ebon Nights, starring the always lovely, and just bestest paladin ever, Varenna Sungale. I hope you enjoyed the read, and send her lots of chocolates and flowers! …And me too!”