Laying Raya!

“Lobbry, L-Leon Lobbry, ma’am. Ple-pleased to meet you.”

The young man’s voice rang out in a timid, broken squeak that spoke of a boy coming into manhood, but not quite that far along yet. He was a full six-feet in height, with raggy, brown hair and and vivid green eyes – carrying a build that seemed a bit malnourished, and a rather stiff posture. His thick bifocals rested lazily upon his nose, and the mage robes about his body did very little to hide his form.

“I..I just wanted to let you know, that the fee you incurred last year, for never returning Sam and the Golden Bone ha..has officially been waived, by my doing in the library archives. Being reborn is no reason for a canceled fee to be restarted.”

Pretty glowing eyes blinked from behind the pink-lensed glasses they illuminated as Raya Alleria lifted her gaze to the source of the voice. She was killer on this day as she stood against the tree, dressed in a tight, solid-white V-neck shirt, that had a lot more V than it did shirt, with a cut off stomach and too much chest support. The pink skirt around her waist did little to help her lose any physical dominance, slung low on the waist, and high on the thighs, frilly and swaying in the cool breeze of the Stormwind park.

Solid-white sandals with open toes and a few inches of platform wrapped about her feet, with long, clingy straps to just below the knees finished the compliment of the outfit – an outfit that a woman reading a book has probably never worn before, in public at least.

“I had a fee for that?” She asked as she held the large book against her stomach in both hands – opened in her palms. She had an obviously confused expression about her sunny-curl-curtained face.

“Y-yes ma’am, a hundred and fifty gold to be exact.”

Raya’s jaw dropped, she gasped, and she shook her head. “Waa-how?!”

Lobbry rubbed the back of his head and smiled shyly. “Well, when-when you returned from the dead, they considered you as alive again, and reinstated the fee, with lost time. I’m sorry, miss Alleria. Would you like to have dinner with me?”

A platinum brow arched, and Raya’s eyes opened wide. “So I see…” she responded, staring up at the young lad with hope in his eyes. “Did you seriously just try to use an insanely bogus library fee clearing as a white knight attempt to touch my breasts?”

Lobby blinked, and stammered, and then quickly glanced around, eyes white, and cheeks burning red as the realization that his so-thought foolproof plan had been fooled. “Y..yes mother, coming!” He suddenly yelped, and turned away, quickly scurrying off.

“Hello there, my name is Rayala Alleria, and last night – I got laid. As you can probably see already, selection was a difficult task in its own self. Here I am, a person present at the fall of the Lich King, a heroine of the Alliance, Argent Crusade, and Ebon Blade, a body to kill for, and all the personality in the world… And finding someone to love me for the night is just a ridiculous chore.

And if you think Librarian Lobbry was bad, take a look at the other attempts I had in the park yesterday evening, and decide for yourself! Oh yeah, leaving narrative mode now!”

“Oh, why hello there, gorgeous!” The broad-chinned man spoke, and pointed two fingers at Raya in a motion that suggested he was throwing an underhanded pitch of a softball. He was dressed in last season’s noble attire; high collars, tight legs, and stunningly bright purple… Wait a minute, bright purple has never been in style!

He winked a squinty eye, and a curl of over-greased hair fell before his eyes. “I had a -dream- about you last night.”

And he continued. Raya never had a chance to respond. This guy was obviously a used horse salesman looking for a trophy lay, or even worse, a wannabe used horse salesman looking for a trophy lay!

“We were stranded on a desert island, and there was no way we’d ever see civilization again. We had to… Repopulate.”

Raya blinked. “Why didn’t we hearthstone home?”

Caught off guard, the man stared at her a moment, before his instincts kicked in, and he found what he had believed to be a smooth response.

“Because I took my shirt off, baby, and you wanted to return the favor.”

Raya rolled her eyes and sighed. “Why don’t you hearthstone home now?”

Ouch. Poof.

Her eyes were closed as she washed the memory of that purple suit from her mind, unable to even giggle at the sadness of such a creation, or the mindset of the obvious psychotic who envisioned it.

“Lovely dreams, my lady?” A voice asked from before where she stood…

“Yes, actually, and guess what – you’re in them!”

“Am I?”

“Oh yes. You and I, we’re alone in the bedroom, hot, and sweaty – and I cry out… Just before the thing enters…”

The voice began to respond, but Raya cut him off. “It had eight octopus tentacle arms, and a human body, and I screamed as it grabbed you! And I said, hey, I’ve read these books before, but don’t you monsters usually go after the girl? And I most definitely don’t remember tentacle arms having giant penises on the end of them, you should get out of my erotic dream now… But you and it only made things more erotic.”

Raya’s eyes opened as she heard feet dragging away, and suddenly, her heart sank! Long, white hair, a slender, but well muscled body, and Silver Feather brand silks… She just told Sans DeLauren she had a tentacle dream about him… And he walked away. Daaaaaaaaaaaammit!

Win some, lose some, she guessed.

Raya sighed, and then slumped. What’s a gorgeous girl gotta do to get action in this park; give up and go to Goldshire?! She closed her book with a huff, sending a gust of air upwards that blew the curls from before her suddenly-widening eyes.

He was gorgeous…

His hair was waist-length and green, his eyes were large and pretty with their silvery hue. His body, covered in nothing but a foresty-green druid’s kilt, was the thing romance writers could take six pages to describe…

And he was walking right her way!

“Where were you last night?” His voice rumbled out the question in a purr of rugged sexuality. “Dreaming about you in my arms wasn’t enough.”

Raya giggled with glee, and wavered, her legs going weak at the knees as she felt the sensation of blood running to her head – a rare thing to feel post death for sure, and a feeling she welcomed. This was going to be -great-! She pushed off from the tree, straightened out her skirt, and as she began to step forward, arms spreading wide – she found herself face down in the grass, victim of a rather powerful shove from behind!

“I don’t think so, bitch!” A loud, squeaky, but unmistakably male voice rang out from behind her. By the time she had opened her eyes to assess what had just happened, she caught an eyeful of her dream elf, engaged in a rather steamy lip-lock with a flamboyantly-dressed draenic man!

Raya facepalmed. And as the two began to walk away, the draenei glanced back and gave her a poisonously-sweet smile. “Sorry, Goldilocks. Better get going before Boulderfist shows up.”

Raya blinked, still a bit bewildered by the shove, collected herself, and then worked to get back to her feet. Her shoulders were now slumped, and she looked a bit defeated. Maybe the Mirror had some good rates going tonight?

And then it happened…

There he was…

The man to end all competition…

“Yo, sugarpop!”

Raya blinked. “Me?”

“Ahh-yeah you!”

The answer came slurred and twangy as the Runeknight was approached. She couldn’t believe her eyes.

“Yo, check it – gonna serenade ya girl, den we can kick it at my ma’s crib. You down, I know you down! Just like you gonna go down… On me!”

Raya’s expression went from puzzled to confuzzled, and she stared in horror at the man, boy, person, thing before her, taking him all in. His robe was made of leather, his shirt a few sizes to small, and his leather armor somehow managed to stay up, despite being pulled down to the top of his thighs. Completely out of shape, and sporting a beard that climbed all the way down his neck – the young man drew in a deep breath through his mouth, and turned his plate helmet sideways on his head before beginning his serenading.

~Bitches and hoes, bitches and hoes
where my night take me, nobody knows!

Bitches and hoes, bitches and hoes
I shoot illegal drugs wit a lethal dose!~

Fortunately, that was all he got. Raya screamed, and bowled over the man as she fled from the park. The draenei was right – the CMs were wrong. Boulderfist was down! Screaming at the top of her lungs in anger, frustration, and fear, Raya fled all the way to the Cathedral district and into a random home!

“Narration return! Ok, so some luck I had there. But hey, it’s all well and good, because I learned an amazing lesson that day. I was out looking for the prospect of love amidst cheap thrills, when I had no idea that the best kind of love was waiting at home for me! Narration out!”

Once inside the home, she silenced, but quickly flew up the stairs and into a bedroom. In the bed slept a familiar young woman, dark skinned and auburn-haired. Raya sighed in relief, then she suddenly giggled, and leapt into the bed, wrapping her arms around the woman!

Varenna screamed and flailed, before she turned to see her would be attacker, and groaned.

“Raya!” She whined, the the curly blonde just clinged, smooched the paladin on the cheek, and cuddled close.

Varenna whimpered and squirmed, before hugging back as she would soon possibly slump back into unconsciousness. But not before setting things straight, however..

“You better not be wearing socks.”

“Aaand narration again! Ok, so maybe I didn’t get laid – or I did and am not admitting it, but I found that I really don’t have to! It’s friends and the love they can offer you that make you feel important in life. And last night… I was a queen.”

The Children of Southshore are Totally a Threat!

Hullo, peoples! I’m a little sad today, and that’s sad, and me being sad about sad things is really sad. So as you can see there’s a rather sad circle of sadosity going around here… And that’s sad!

You see, a ways back, I followed my best friend Varenna into meeting these really neat folks known as The Order of the Rose. They’re led by the totally tubular Chelody Smallwing, as well as other such radical personalities like Shaila Viridiant! It wasn’t too long after that I became one myself!

And since then, it’s just been celebrity Raya everywhere! From orphan assistance to shutting down the horde kissing booth at the Rose Ball (with my totally awesome lips, my lips, my lips!), I’ve just been living life to the fullest – and neglecting my writing, which was a no-no that I’m fixing as I righteously write right now!

But yeah, less about my knocking people out with kisses and more about the Rosies. See, they’ve always been this really benevolent, fight for the right and aid the weak type organization who is chartered under the Stormwind banner, but still assisted all in need, including those of the Horde who truly needed it. Kind of a humanitarian aid thing and all, ya know? It’s so neat…

But then like, at the turn of the year, the Hillsbrad farmlands got the worst Winter’s Veil wake-up ever. The Forsaken came! The Royal Apothecary Society, and Silvanus, they murdered everyone; turning innocent men, women, AND CHILDREN ASDAFGTRGRMGRKLGMMRRRGLRGLRGLRGL!!! into goop, or even worse, using the dreaded Val’kyr to create new forsaken members! And no, that is not valid reproduction, you tiny-minded trogladytes, that’s murder and enslavement, and you’re going down for it!

Ahem… But like, we almost lost our dearest Chelody to this attack, as her ex-jerkface helped her move into the home they were buying there before he decided to totally screw her over for some kaldorei chick whose shorter than me – which left Chel living there on her own with her children, one of whom was nearly lost in the attack even.

So like, set aside himself with either grief, guilt, or probably both, Tiran Shard, one of the other Rose leads, and a known soldier of the Guildwatch, decided to declare the Rose no longer held back by the law that Horde towns are not to be attacked by Rose members; only defense allowed.

Naturally, a good amount of us Rosies got goosebumps, and a couple even quit, though thankfully we got one of them back. This did not make a happy situation – and even despite the happy news of us regaining our Chelody; who revised his adjustments to just making Forsaken settlements allowed targets, some Rosies just weren’t happy with it.

Like, we have this really neat inventor chick named Maevriel on the roster, and she’s really nice and not living in the closet anymore… Hey no, I mean, the closet, like, the actual closet in the Dawn Building! Yeesh, I wasn’t calling her a lesbian or anything. Everyone already knows that if you’re an Azerothian female, you love boobs by default. No need to say it!

Oh yeah, the story! So anyways, like, her mother is a Forsaken lady and all, or was… Or still is, but like, works as a diplomat or something, I dunno too much. But regardless, it makes Mae really sad that we’re allowed to beat up Forsakens now, because hey you know, her mom could be targeted by her own friends one day, and that would suck, like totally, totally suck!

I hate this war. It’s not good for anything, and it’s only hurting all of the mortal races – especially when we have a two-hundred ton plate-armored fire-breathing aspect of death that severely hates cupcakes just flying around and randomly popping achievements on unsuspecting newbie adventurer heads! (so much for kayfabe!)

But noooo, some human twenty five years ago porked this orc dude’s wife, and some troll used this kaldorei kid as a kebab a few centuries back, so we can’t put things aside to like, you know, SAVE OUR WORLD!

Like, how sad do you think the draenei must feel? They didn’t have a choice in their home world’s destruction, and now they’ve joined up with a world that can’t get it’s warmongering priorities straight? Hey, guys, Nefarian called, and he said, “SYKE!” (your mamma rides a mini-bike, your daddy looks like Dick Van-Dyke!) Because while we’re in a deadlock over some valley on the outskirts of Alterac, there’s a darker evil than we’ve ever faced encroaching on all our other territory.

Good job, world leaders, good job. No wonder Baby Thrall thinks you all suck.

But, man, did I ever get sidetracked… Anyways, The Order of the Rose is sad now, because our own compromises on how to handle the war at home and beyond, while still remaining the benevolent organization they’ve always been seems to be driving rifts between people, and it’s not pretty.

I’m confident, personally, that all will turn out well in the end, but it’s still sad to see, because the folks in the Rose are all mature, and rather amazing. I personally support the new change myself, because the Forsaken responsible just can’t be allowed to get away with what they did.

I remember in my travels when I was miss Genise’s apprentice, seeing this little boy and girl playing on the docks at Southshore… They were holding hands, and singing, and life was great. I was jealous for a moment in my re-living state, knowing that those two would grow up together, be married, and raise an absolutely beautiful family…

The Forsaken made sure that we’ll never see that happen. Good job, Silvanus, you sure showed little Timmy and Pamela how much of a threat they were!

Sigh… It’ll be okay, but for now, I’m a sad Raya. I should find a cuddly man to keep me warm for the night… Any of you readers cuddly men by any chance?!

Ta!

A Year Ago Today…

I was rolling in the hay.

There wasn’t much to say.

It was time to play.

The night became the day.

I was just so very gay.

And then I lost my way.

And I lost my publishing kit and finding it was a giant, impossible, negatory, NAY!

Harumph. Never trust your competition. When they send a tall, dark, square-jawed and bedroom-eyed hunk to thoroughly drill you on your publishing process – you may as well expect to get taken for all you have in the publishing world. That jerk stole my kit, and now one year later, I was finally able to get it back. Which, I’d love to thank my good friend, Ilarra Stormrunner, for nomming on that man’s brains until he gave up the location. And yes, authorities, this is a published article and in no way proven non-fiction, making a case against Ilarra nomming brains based on this article inadmissable in the courts of Stormwind.

After all, nomming could mean playing chess, and brains could be complete innuendo! (Hey, I know my good friends and you don’t!)

Oh, um, right! Where was I?

So Don Juan Cassanova Fordragon put me out of business for a year, but he didn’t stop me permanently! Raya’s Ramblings is back in a Stormwind Bugle near you, and I intend to have all sorts of fun articles going on soon! Rumor even has it that I may be pinning down the elusive Tarquin ap Danwyrith (GET IT RIGHT, PUNK!) for an all access interview!

But I have to cut this short now; my player has a raid and if I make her keep writing past her start time, she won’t feed me any xanax to make this page reeeeeeeally good!

“Ta!”

Ebon Nights #2: Chelody Smallwing

Murlocs, Eeeeeek!

Hello again, everyone, it’s me, Rayala Alleria – your friendly Ebon Knights personal walking PR campaign, reminding you that we’re good guys now, and Runeknight is a much, much prettier word than Death Knights!

If only Mograine would go for it!

But hey, Ebon Nights is returning much quicker than expected, and that’s what this article shall be. Issue number two, with the amazing, awesome Rose Mother, Chelody Smallwing.

A little back history on Chelody. She’s what happens when you combine one hundred of Azeroth’s neatest things into a kaldorei druidess, and then turn her awesome knob to eleven. That’s right, the awesome just exloded into atmospheric awesome!

And I don’t even know what that means – but hey, she’s that awesome! Anyways, our ‘date’, if you could call it that, found us on a picnic in Elwynn forest, out near Crystal Lake, and nowhere near Golddiggershire. A rather casual affair if I may say so myself, and it was great to have a day off from gruntwork in the Citadel. If I have to bend over and pick up another weary soldier’s armor one more time, I’m going to lose it. Such a weird request!

“Hello, miss Chelody, thanks again for coming out here with me today. This should be exciting!”

“Happy to be having such a nice picnic with a friend Raya! Ah- the cake is delicious by the way!” (Chelody might have already have crumbs all over her face. So cute!)

“Wait til I bring out the danishes! My poppa was a sweets baker, and i learned a few good things from that! Will be a nice reward for finishing the interview without choking me, hee.”

“Ah- I do not really umn… choke people. I’m very much against violence if it can be avoided. I cannot promise I won’t hug you. Especially for the cake.”

“This is an ideal I can stand behind! So you’re against violence, but you’re definitely not a pacifist, especially being a druid. What’s that like, anyhow; being a druid?”

“Umn… forgive the pun but it comes rather naturally to me. Though I do not really rely on animal instincts. I commune with nature for my results. Err… the calmer, more nuturing parts. Growth, life, that kind of thing.”

“Yes, it’s quite well known that you’re a healer, and a rather proficient one at that. Recently, we spoke about your ability to heal those such as myself, and you mentioned learning the trick behind it from the druids who revere the Earth Mother?”

“Oh, yes. I learned that there is a way to temporarily manipulate dead cells into an almost umn… kind of life. You stimulate them enough to knit a wound or seal something up. They return to their decaying status later… but it is one way to patch things up.”

“Do you think, perhaps, that if a powerful enough charge of th emagic was used, possibly beyond that even considered possible, that our conditions could be reversed, completely restoring our former lives?”

“Ah- I’m not really sure… the problem here is that the necromatic magic used to raise the dead is still there, and it fights what we do every step of the way. Necromatic magic and nature… do not really work well together. I guess… it could be possible. But that would take a -lot- of power. And druids willing to do it. I know I would, if given the chance. But it is a very unnatural idea.”

“Unnatural indeed. I’ll cake to that!” (Sorry, readers, I just needed an excuse for more cake!) “Tell us a little bit about your  society, The Order of the Rose?”

“Well, the Order of the Rose was founded about… six years ago, and originally meant to only include paladins and to be used as a defense and offense task force. It was started by a paladin I really only knew as Lord Thornt. Then when he retired from duties, it was passed to Miss Himistu. She Molded it to be more of a defense team… we of course were accepting almost anyone. People who needed second chances in society and wanted to help the alliance to redeem themselves. When she became ill, it was passed on to myself and Miss Kalice Avery, We molded the Rose into an amnesty group. We deliver first aid, food and various supplies to front lines and villages. Ah- whatever we can do to make people’s lives a little better.”

“It’s quite a storied history as well, to my understanding. These days, you’re pretty firmly against your members going on the offense against the horde, I believe? Much like in Varenna’s interview, she, and many others think the war is a distraction from the greater good. Do you believe it has potential to cost us all some day?”

“I do really. I wonder if our leaders see the potential of allying ourselves. Each culture within the horde and the alliance has something unique and beneficial to offer each other. The Sin’Dori with their understanding of Magic, the Tauren and their relationship with the Earthmother, The forsaken don’t even need to sleep anymore! The Trolls have an ancient and amazing civilization… I know that our cultures have clashed horribly, and it has caused people untold pain. I am not saying that the old grudges aren’t justified, but I think that if people could start looking to the future, we could ensure the survival of our planet and possibly usher in a very well deserved time of peace.”

“Yes! I, for one, know I would aboslutely love to go for  a picnic in Mulgore! I’d even help them with their nasty kobold infestation! More cake?”

“Oh please! Ah- I’m sorry if I am being a bit long winded! Ehehe, you got me on a subject I actually know!”

“I’m having fun. I mean, sure, I look ecstatic in torturing Varenna last week, but she’s giggle-worthy like that! Speaking of Varenna – she  recently left her society, The Wildfire Riders, due to differences. It’s been documented the Rose and Riders have had their run-ins. Can I ask your opinion on things, or will I get cake to the face?”

“Ah- I support Miss Varenna in her persuit of whatever makes her happy. She is a very good friend and deserves it.”

“And just for the record, not at all to make her blush and squirm, and hide, and chase me with her shield after reading this – she’s super cute, isn’t she?!”

“Ah- she really is. But that had better be off record! I don’t want to make her mad!”

“*Cough!* Totally off-record! *Cough!* So! You fellas have an annual party, and it’s like, huge! It’s called the Rose Ball, and all sorts of exciting things happen. Tell us a bit about it?”

“Well uh… each year we have it as a sort of way of celebrating Azeroth and its people. We have games, contests, music and fireworks. We pick a different and exciting location each time! A lot of time and effort goes into each ball, and months of planning.”

“Any spoilers into the next one? Even a teensie little tidbit of information, so i can brag about reporting it first?”

“Ah- sorry, you’ll just have to wait like everyone else! They’d kill me if I started spreading rumors!”

“Oh, well gosh. I didn’t wanna have to do this, but I suppose I will now!”

“Do what?”

“Create spoilers! Readers at home. At the next Rose Ball, the cutest knight across two worlds will be in attendance. And I heard there’s going to be a kiss booth, with all proceeds going to help the orphans! …All just speculation of course, don’t believe me! Oh, and cake!”

“Ehehe- the Rose promises none of those things! Ah- can we move on with the questions please? *Giggle*”

“Fine, fine. I won’t risk you getting tarred and feathered! Speaking of questions, how about we start the twenty-five questions game?”

“Oh! *munchsnarf* That sounds like fun!”

“Muhahahahaha! Ahem, erm… Yes, very fun! And here we go!  One;  Have you ever stolen from the proverbial cookie jar? If so, explain.”

“…Umn… I’m afraid I do not understand that question. I uh…have snuck cookies before, if that is what you mean!”

(Author’s note: Two for two on people not understanding this question. Seek new number one!) “Umm, well, it’s an old story thing. Mother has her cookie jar in reach of where her child can take cookies from it, but he’s not supposed to. Make it metaphorical for things in life, such as, have you ever stole a friend’s lover, paid a blind man less than asking for wares, ecetera?”

“Umn… no, not that I can think of. I always pay asking price, and I’d never steal a friends lover! That would just be cruel.”

(I’m also two for two on sickeningly cute women! Light bless me!) Two; Who is the most powerful being you’ve defeated as a hero?”

“Well umn… I cannot say I’ve ever single handedly defeated anyone, but I did assist in taking down several high up Liches and some scary abominations. I see very little actual combat… oh, Rhel and I managed to chase Nimjhal the Butcher off once!”

“Nimjhal, ewwww. That name isn’t worthy of the presence of our cake – so we shall move right along, while giggling that he got what he deserved!  Three; What’s your favorite quote? Can be by anyone, even yourself!”

“Ah- I have two. One is from Shaila. She told me that “Sometimes the bravest thing we can do, is what we have to.” Ah… the other is one thing Valedor Whisperwind said to me once. “Never allow yourself to mistake ignorance for contentment. Always keep learning and exploring, because you can never, ever see or do enough.”

“Those are both very pretty! And much better than my trainer’s back at Acherus. ‘I can’t taste my favorite food, and I’m kicking your ass for that.’ ….Four; Do you like to dance? If so, what kind of dance suits you best?”

“I umn… do not dance very well. But Tiran taught me how to do the box step! That is kind of fun. I hear it is how nobles dance!”

“Ohh, I’m not so sure myself. Poppa put me in lessons as a child, always aspired and figured he’d be a minor noble some day, and wanted me as a pretty show piece. Boy did that turn out completely unlike he thought! Five; If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?”

“Umn… lets see.. I’d sneak around into that section they have quartered off in Dalaran for the horde and see what goes on there! …Then maybe run around naked in Silvermoon.”

“Naked.. In Silvermoon? But miss Chelody, mages who go invisible can see invisible things!”

“…O-Okay! Maybe not! Uh… I’d spy on murlocs. Next question!”

“Ehehe. Six; What is your favorite area to spend time in? Azeroth or elsewhere.”

“Umn… I’d say Stormwind, or the aquarium part of the Tram.”

“Sea monster! Seven; Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Would you ever? Do detail!”

“Umn… a few times! I used to go once in a while with my friends Shaila and Opalle. It was a sort of girls only thing. We’d go camping and swim.”

“And i won’t ask where – I’mnot sure just how innocent our readerbase is! Eight; What little, unknown talents do you possess?”

“Uh… I have a talent for finding cute mugs when I travel. I’ve got a pretty big collection! I also make a very sturdy nest.”

“A.. nest… Oh, you turn into a bird, I forgot!  Umm… Nine; If this weekend, you could do ANYTHING you wanted, what would you do?”

“Hmm… I guess I’d go get Varenna and bring her back home for a day. Then we’d have all our friends over and spend the day together!”

“Ah- you’d be invited of course!”

“I’d have to be, did you know Renna and I are joined at the hip?”

“Umn… no, but okay! I’m happy for you two!”

“Oh.. OH! no, not THAT kind of joined, haha! Just best… like… Hey, cake, and the next question! Ten; Who is the craziest, or silliest person you know?”

“Huh… I guess that is a tie between Lumia and Shaila! …oh! I didn’t think you and Varenna were… I- I was just happy she has a good best friend!”

“She thinks the world of you too! Eleven; If there would be one thing about yourself that you could change, what would it be? ..Only one thing.”

“Ah… I sometimes wish I was smarter. I’d probably get into less trouble that way.”

“Awww… Twelve; What’s your worst fear?”

“I guess my worst fear is that someday I’m going to be alone.”

“Well, not so long as I’m around! This next quest helps address this though! Thirteen; Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?!”

“Yes. It is a stuffed orc named Mr. Bunnikins. I found him in the crossroads.”

“Okay… I have to pause the question game here. Tell us about Mr. Bunnikins, please?!”

“He is green and has buttons for eyes, and a happy stiched mouth. He is made out of linen and cloth but sometimes he has to be re-stiched. I found him on the side of the road actually near the crossroads, in the barrens. I’m not sure who he belonged to, but I love him very much!”

“~Mister Bunnikins, all about funnikins – dances with moonikins, laughs for all the child-i-rens!~ Sorry, I had to sing for Renna’s too – it’s just fun to do!”

“Ah- I have a song for him too…”

“Tell us? I’d love to hear it and I know everyone reading would love to read it!”

“Ah- actually its more like a poem. He sleeps a lot in Therondy’s room when she gets scared…” “~”Orcy orcy shining bright, Mister Bunnikins don’t need a night light. Big bad monsters run in fright, he scares them off with orcy might.~”

(I had to stare in awe for a few moments, because it was just too darned cute!) “I love it! He’s a good-guy orc, child protector. He needs a cape!”

“Ah- I should sew him one…”

“Do it do it! Fourteen; Have you ever felt you were in love? Yes and no is fine, no need to elaborate!”

“Ah- yes. Very much so.”

“Good, everyone should feel love, I say! Fifteen; If you were stranded on a deserted island with one person, who would it be?”

“Ah- I know too many people I’d like to bring with me. It is hard to choose just one!”

“Hmm… I do tend to offer everyone a pass on a single question. Would you like to pass on this one?”

“I think I will. I can’t focus on a single name.”

(Villainous finger-steepling!) “Okay! Sixteen;  What’s your most embarrassing moment in life thus far?”

(A look of blank faced horror) “It…it is so hard to choose… umn.. I’ll just say… uh.. we’ll go with Alishe and Prydion’s anniversary. Fells knows why.”

“I’m so curious, but seeing the look on your face, I don’t dare ask!  so, moving along to an easier question!Seventeen; What guy or girl would you want more than anyone for a single night of wild, unbridled passion?”

“….”

“You so already passed, wahahaa.”

“I’ll make you a pie if you let me pass again.”

“Damn! Pumkin pie, two of them?”

“Sure! With whipped topping.”

(Foiled again! Someone has to want to have some damn sex!) “Ohhh, fine! Moving along then! Eighteen; If you could be any animal what would you be? Silly question to ask a druid!”

“Ah- I wouldn’t mind being human!”

“Or maybe a dragon… “

“Hey, no! animal animals – not manimals! Stinking tricky mammal clause, I’ll need to reword that question from now on. Pick anoth – Oh, so dragon it is! …Which flight?”

“Green of course! …oh or maybe red…”

“I’d be of the purple-pink Bubbleflight. And breathe bubbles and sleep on a bed of cotton candy, guarding my hoard of lollipops and sweet tarts!”

“…Nevermind, I want to be in that Flight.”

“That’d be great! I bet our lairs would be inside clouds too.”

“Ah- that sounds so wonderful… c-can we have marshmallows too?”

“We’d have gingerbread men who made marshmallows all day long. And instead of a conveyor belt? A hot chocolate belt!”

“Waaaah… that sounds so good!”

“Yeah, it does! We need a really powerful mage to help us do this.”

“To make us into dragons who breathe bubbles?”

“And sleep on cotton candy beds with candy hoards and marshmallows!”

“Yay! Marshmallows!”

(Giggles galore!) “Oh, hey, we were doing questions, weren’t we?!”

“Oh- right! Yes, lets continue!”

“Ahem. Nineteen; If you could do anything to the person you hate or dislike most what would it be?”

“Change their mind.”

“…I admit, I never expected to hear that answer. This only further proves that you are, in fact, the nicest person alive!”

“Ah- I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make me nice, just devious! next question?”

“Deviously nice! Uhhh – Twenty; Tell us about some of your pets if you have any?”

“I have many! Okay… there is Etois my saber, Brownbeard my ram, Bud is a treant sapling and more like an apprentice… Petals is a flower, Prince Burndlebee the third, Ruby the chicken, several frogs… Sparky the mechanical squirrel, Mister Pitch the ghost… ah- there are more. Sometimes I feed Gin!”

“Wow, you’re pet-cultured! I have a feeling it may relate to Twenty-one; What’s your favorite subject to discuss?”

“I don’t think I really have one! Uh- my mug collection, the future, uh, why drawing is fun, my children, lots of things!”

“So would you say your favorite subject of conversation, is conversation itself?”

“Yes!”

“Excellent! Well, here’s a good subject of conversation… Twenty-two; Boxers, briefs, granny fit, full and snug, thong, or T-back?”

“…What are those?”

(Impossible, I refuse to believe it!) “Oh.. Um, types of underwear! Which do you prefer?”

“Oh, uh…” (At this point, she stands up and flips up the back of her robe… she is wearing a pair of bikini style panties with a picture of a smiling blue nightsaber that has the word “kitty!” printed over it.)

“Whatever those are!”

“Abuh…buh-buh-buhkini. Right, Bikini!”

“Okay!”

“Panty-three – Bikin-Three! Err, crap, Tweny-three; Do you prefer the sunrise or sunset?”

“I like the sunrise. Its pretty and usually what I see before I go to sleep. Ah- its comforting to know that while I’m in bed, lots of people are awake doing things!”

“Amazing how everything works in cycles! Twenty-four; What is the most romantic thing that ever happened to you?”

“Oh… that is a hard one… hmm… I think it is when Rhel and I first kissed. We’d been swimming and Shaila kept telling us we should kiss… so we did just to throw her off and it was nice.”

“Aww, that’s so cute! I bet Shaila flipped too! So uh, one more question left, are you ready? It’s the toughest one!”

“Ready!” (Cheering and fist pumping!)

“Okay! Number twenty-five;  Say the nicest, most true thing you personally think about me, Rayala Alleria, hee!”

“You seem like a very sweet, lovely person and anyone would be lucky to have you as a best friend. You have great taste in clothes, and I love your hair.”

“…You’re officially my favorite Chelody, and my favorite night elf!”

“Hooray I’m a favorite!”

“Forever and ever! And I’m afraid that brings us to the end of the interview, but there’s still tons of sweets for us not to share with the readers!”

“Awww… well they’ll have to make their own!”

“And there you have it folks. Make sweets, let us eat ours! Thank you, miss Chelody, for your time!”

“Thank you for the treats and the picnic!”

(I was just about to wrap it up, when…)

“Ah- could you also tell everyone that I am doing this because I believe that the Ebon Blade is worth supporting and that I think it is important that we treat them with the respect they deserve?”

“I most certainly can! You’re reading it here and now as a matter of fact, readers! And if Chelody Smallwing thinks it’s worthy, then there’s no way it isn’t!”

Ebon Nights #1: Varenna Sungale

Hello once again – it’s treat time!

Tonight, we’ll be visiting our first ever edition of Ebon Nights, and it’s a good one! A bit off from the official idea of a nice date and talk, but it’s still a technical date and talk!

I wanted someone special for the first edition, so I picked my favorite person in the entire world – despite her inability to go on a proper date – Varenna Sungale!

Disney Villains... Beware!!!

For those of you who don’t know Varenna Sungale, she’s a paladin, and an awesome one at that. If individually-wrapped cheese slices could cause orgasms on touch, they’d be called Varenna Sungales.

She’s going to kill me when she reads that… Hopefully she touches me in the process though!

Anyways, our “date” took place in the grand lobby of the always comfortable Icecrown Citadel, a.k.a. Light’s Hammer.  It’s cold. But that’s ok, I’m sorta-dead, she’s Light-filled, and we had hot cocoa and marshmallows! (Or Marshmallow choco-pops if you don’t drink it fast!)

You see, Varenna and I have been taking an active part in the storming of Icecrown Citadel. She’s been off on the front lines, shield high and heart heroic – but they’ve made me mostly stay and work at the base camp. BOOOORING. But it’s here, where we found ourselves inside a tent full of blankets and arcane heaters to try and keep warm, while we had our discussion, which, speaking of, starts now!

“Okay, Renna… Gotta just get this hello out of the way. Scribble scribble… So, Hello, Varenna – thank you for taking me out on this lovely date to chit chat with me!”

“Er.  M-my pleas-  Raya, you see me every day…”

“And every night too! Not while you sleep though… Promise! Hmm, maybe I should strike that out… Umm, I like your attire for the date, full armor suits you more than a bundle of blankets does me!”

“W-well, I-  wait.  Date?  You said this was going to be an interview!”

“Well, yes. I’m interviewing you on our date. And I’m going to write down everything said on my trusty little scribe’s pad here, and publish it under my Ebon Nights column in the Stormwind Bugle!” (A small note about our resident Shiny Girl – she’s very shy, but prone to my superior deceptive intellect. And when she reads this note, I will probably die.)

“J-just stop calling it a date.  I don’t have time for dates.  A- and stop hogging the blankets, please!”

“We’re sharing blankets and I’m not allowed to call it a dat-OW! Scabbards don’t do there, that hurt! …Erm, in the ribs, readers, in the ribs!”

“You put your ribs there on purpose.  D-did you have questions or not?  …I feel so silly…”

“Did not! Do too! Let’s start with an easy one here. Why don’t you tell me what it feels like to be a Paladin; a righteous holy avenger who yawns in the face of evil, protects the weak, crushes tyranny, and attracts all the hottest people?”

“I-  Raya…  Wait, y- you’re serious, aren’t you?  I do not attract all the hottest people!”

“Shall I start naming names, or do you wanna answer my question?” (It was there that I gave her the eyebrow raise of doom! Wahaha!)

“I-I’m ignoring that last part.  Er.  ….I-it feels good, Raya.  W-with it being my whole purpose for living, a- and all.  I don’t know.  I guess it just feels like what I’m supposed to be doing.”

“You say it’s your whole purpose for living, and being that I fight alongside you quite often, and know you rather well, I can attest. But one has to wonder, do you ever feel the pull of your biological clock? Does it ever tell you to lead the life of a normal human being? Marriage, children, a garden in the back yard, ecetera?”

“…No.” (Raya’s note: Her eyes definitely did the shifty glance. I’m debating bringing it up, but if she’s going after Arthas, what could I possibly do?! Ah, screw it!)

“Renna, you did that look you always do when you don’t mean what you say. Ok, so you don’t have to have kids, but a life away from it? You’re not gonna retire one day?!”

“…I-I’m not sure I’m comfortable talking about this, Raya. ..I do want a garden someday.”

“Well, at the request of your very lovely eyes, I will move on to the next topic, leaving all the interested readers with your want for a garden! You’re a human, but was raised in Silvermoon, right?”

“Th-thank you.  Er.  …Yes..  I-I’m not sure this is better..”

“Oh, well… Hmm… Can we talk about your phobia of socks?”

“It’s not a phobia.  I-it’s an Issue.”

“Ah-hah, progress! Please, inform us about the issue. Tell us what it is about socks that gets to you?”

“Well… Th- they go on feet..”

“Yes, they do! I’m wearing pink ones now, leg warmers even! But, pray-tell, what is it about socks going on feet… That makes this an issue?”

“I-it just is.  Socks are bad.  Next question please.”

“Very well. What do you wear instead of socks, and can I see?” (Hint: No matter what she says, everyone, they’re still socks! Seriously, how cute is she?!)

“I wear socks.”

“…Oh. Uhh, um… SO! Tell us about your experience here in the citadel thus far!”

“It’s very cold.  There are lots of zombies, and people are dying.  Sometimes I get blown up, gnawed on, or zombie-piled.”

“She doesn’t mean playing tag with Fredrick Fritz either, readers. This is most definitely a real war here, and these men and women are truly risking more than their lives here. Varenna, dear, would you say that you are winning? Or is the Lich King ahead at this point in time?”

“We’re winning.  He’s going to die.  …Again.”

“Huzzah! Hee! I should hug you for such good news!”

“Y-you’ve been here the entire time…”

“That’s right, but not on the front like you have been. You make this news all the more better. Oh yeah, and I’m totally writing in your stutters and pauses to the text. People should know just how cute you really are!”

“B- R-Raya that-  th-that really isn’t necessary, I- I-”

“You are gorgeous, and wonderful, and people should see that. And since I’m the lucky oe who sees you in person, they’ll have to see you through proper texts. Shall we continue, Snuggles?”

“W-  …Snuggles?”

“Oops, sorry, did I say that out loud? It just goes good with Sungale, and these blankets… HEY! What’s this rumor about a Horde and Alliance fight high above the citadel? What’s your opinion about that?”

“They’re idiots, b-but it was inevitable.  Those airships were destined to blow each other up someday.  Waste of resources.”

“I really couldn’t agree more. At least the Ebon Blade and the Argent Crusade are keeping their priorities straight. Speaking of, you’re a Crusader; how do you view the relationship between the Crusaders and the Runeknights?”

“Well.  Er.  I-I know it’s been strained sometimes.  B-but personally…  If you look at it as a sane person, Raya- of anyone, Ebon Knights have the most cause to want retribution, and the greatest skill to bring it.  …And so do we.  I-it’s the only intelligent match one could make.”

“And united, we will see the Lich King’s day come to an end Varenna, you truly are a Champion of the Light, and the type of hero who will be written about. I bet  Lord Fordring would totally buy you a drink if you showed some neckline!”

“…..” (These dots, folks, indicate that I broke her. One moment while her brain recovers.)

“Ok, so I’m back with Varenna Sungale, and her brain works again! Varenna? Are you ready for the Twenty-Five Questions mini-game?!”

“..W-weren’t you asking questions already…?”

“Yes, that was just the interview though, the twenty five mini-game will be the same for everyone! And whoever answers them all gets a special treat!”

“…” (She’s not broke this time, I don’t.. Aww, shucks…)

“Ahem, back again, and much hot cocoa has been consumed! Snuggles, here we go! One;  Have you ever stolen from the proverbial cookie jar? If so, explain.”

“..I don’t understand the question.”

“Have you ever done something sneaky that you werne’t supposed to. Something that was a guilty pleasure, ala, a child sneaking cookies from the jar behind his mother’s back. Being that I’m a baker’s daughter, I have done that a lot!”

“No, I haven’t.”

“…Oh.” (WOW! ~Liiiight, is shiiiiining briiiiight! On the hooooooly giiiirl toniiiiight!~) “Two; Who is the most powerful being you’ve defeated as a hero of the Argent Crusade?”

“There was a dreadlord.” It took her quite some time to answer this one. Whether it was her sorting through the catalogue or bad memories – it isn’t part of the question!

“Mmm, I remember the aftermath of that… Three; What’s your favorite quote? Can be by anyone, even yourself!”

“I-I don’t have a favorite quote.”

“Oh… Well, my favorite quote, spoken by Darren Hargerty, on my third ever date with a man since becoming a Runeknight, was; “I’m too damn drunk to skin this shoveltusk.” I think i intimidated him! …Um, anyways!  Four; Do you like to dance? If so, what kind of dance suits you? Don’t fib, I know the answer to this one!”

“I don’t dance.”  (Oh, cold stare, how you warm me so!)

“Try again!”

“…I don’t dance.”

“And my hair doesn’t naturally bounce like a storybook princess! Five; If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?”

“That doesn’t make any sense.  I-invisible intentionally?  Or someone made me invisible?”

“It’s a great mystery of the universe! One day, you wake up, and you just know you’re invisible, and it’s gonna last for only one day, so you have to make the best of it. What do you do? Peek on me in the bat, sneak in and steal the quarterly tax collections, pull Arthas’ hair and there be nothing her can do about it?!”

“Well.  Er.  I-I suppose…  Most powerful Scourge agents have wards up against invisibility, s-so assassination is out of the question.  I would probably spend the day trying to become visible again so I wouldn’t inconvenience anyone.”

“Awwww! And if anyone ever asks why i love Renna so dearly, I shall reference them to this article. Hee. Six; What is your favorite area to spend time in? Azeroth or elsewhere.”

“I-..”

“C’mon, you can tell me!” (This is the part where I tried to bribe her with baloons and teddy bears, but Icecrown Citadel just wasn’t having any of it.)

“I- Sholazar.  Th-the parts without Scourge or hunters.”

(Due to the convenience of Varenna’s response and the seventh question on our list, I proceeded to giggle like a child for a few moments before continuing.)

“So perfect… *ahem* Seven; Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Would you ever? Do detail!”

“…No.  And no.”

“Aww, what if asked very nicely?”

“N- no!!”

“A million broken hearts! Moving on then before you twist my arm… Eight; What little, unknown talents do you possess?”

“I-  what sort of talents..?”

“Oh, anything! Do you have unnaturally pretty handwriting, can you cook really well? A flashy memory that makes puzzles an ease? Anything really!”

“…I- I’m an acceptable cook…”

“As I’ve witnessed! She’s cooked for me before, folks, and it was perfect. Oh, she didn’t say it, but she’s talented at being more humble than humanly possible. Humble pie? She’s a humble layer cake!”

“….”

“You have the best blush, Renna, ever! Nine; If this weekend, you could do ANYTHING you wanted, what would you do?”

“Kill the Lich King.”  (Bland Varenna is like, totally bland!)

“Caile owes me ten gold, I called it! And speaking of Caile… Ten; Who is the craziest, or silliest person you know?”

“Caile.”

“For those of you who don’t know our dear draenic friend, Caile T. Bluberri… Be glad. Eleven; If there would be one thing about yourself that you could change, what would it be? ..Only one thing.”

(A bit of hesitation here. I’m not sure exactly why she dislikes her gorgeous greens, but she definitely has a problem with them!)  “..The color of my eyes.”

“Regardless of color, they’re still just so fun to stare into. That’s me being fresh, by the way! Twelve; What’s your worst fear?”

“I- ..that’s a little personal, Raya…”

“But this is a tell-all interview! ..Socks? No, wait, those weren’t fear… Hmm, I’ll strike this question if you promise to cook me breakfast again.”

“Any-anything you want.”

“DING! (WOOT!) Thirteen; Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had a stuffed animal.”

“I was execting to hear that, and just because I was, I got you a gift when I had to report to Stormwind recently.”

“W-?  Y-you didn’t have to-  huh?”

“Lookie here! It’s your very own Palacow! Isn’t he cute?!” (It’s an honest to goodness, stuffed toy cow in shiny, shiiiiny armor. All made from cloth, of course. Sooooo cute!) “His name is Palamoo!”

“……..”

“Renna? Renna-doll?”

“…Palamoo?”

“Palamoo! ~We need a savior, we have to fight! Who is gonna – champion the Light? Palamoo! Palamoo, oh, why yes, that’s exactly who! Palamoo, Palamoo! Here to fight the scourge, on behalf of me and you!~“

“…” (It takes her a few seconds staring at the stuffed animal in her lap.  Eventually she gives the paladin-cow’s arms a half-hearted wiggle.)

“Why hullo there, mooooodam! I’m here to fight for mmmyoooo!” (Cut me some slack, I’m cute enough to do this stuff!) “He likes you! Does this mean you approve?”

“Yes.  Thank you, Raya.  …I-I still think you’re insane.” (Arm wiggle!)

“I.. He, hehehe… Four..hee…Fourteen; Have you ever felt you were in love? Yes and no is fine, no need to elaborate!”

“I don’t have time for love, Raya.  W-we’ve talked about this.”

“Two million broken hearts! Sorry, boys! Fifteen; If you were stranded on a deserted island with one person, who would it be?”

“Er.  I-I guess it would depend on who I was traveling with at the time?”  (Paladin does not compute question. Must be distracted by Palamoos.)

“No no, hee, you get to choose. You’re stranded there for the rest of your life, but you can only have one person there, who will be the only person you ever see again.”

“W-what if I choose a mage?  Couldn’t she teleport us away?”

“Nope. This island magically negates any means of leaving. Even a boat would just go in circles til it came back to the island. This is your last stop, eternal paradise! Unless you pick a jerk.”

“This question is ridiculous, Raya.”

“This question is waiting on an answer. You don’t even have to put a lot of thought into it. Just pick someone. Pick Mickey from Shooters. Pick Ilanna! Pick Genise! Pick me! I’d live on an island with you forever! But you have to pick. You wasted your bribe on the fear question.”

“B-but it isn’t a fair question.  My favorite people a- are mostly undead or much longer-lived than I am, so e-even if they could stand being trapped on an island from me, I’d die before long and then they’d be alone.  A-and the mortal ones have other things to spend their time on.”

“Well, I guess it’s assumption time!”

“Assumption time doesn’t er.  I-I don’t like the sound of that.”

“You said undead first. Which CLEARLY means you were thinking about me. So barring you going to the island alone, we’re totally stuck together in paradise! I win – next question!”

“But- n-no!  You can’t!  I’ll die a-and then you’ll be left alone.  …Don’t you dare raise me as a ghoul.”

“Promise! Unf! Take that, readers! Sixteen;  What’s your most embarrassing moment in life thus far?”

“I’m not sure.  Y- you’re doing a fair job of it…”

“Well, we’ll just answer that last question by asking you the next. Seventeen; What guy or girl would you want more than anyone for a single night of wild, unbridled passion?”

“I-I am not answering that question!”

“You didn’t say no-one, so that means it’s someone! Promise to introduce me to that one Third-Sergeant guy in your crew if i promise not to tell the readers who I believe it is?”

“You’re wrong.  S-so I’m not making any such promise.  But I’ll introduce you anyway.”

“Yes, thank you! Eighteen; If you could be any animal what would you be?”

“Other than human?”

“Nonhumanoid. Don’t be so literal, silly! You know, like a puppy dog, or a cow, or a wolf!”

“I’d be a phoenix, then.”

“Best phoenix ever! Nineteen; If you could do anything to the person you hate or dislike most what would it be?”

“Re-kill him.  I thought I answered this already.”

“Well, that’s only because your day off was filled with dead Arthas!” Twenty; Tell us about some of your pets?”

“My.. pets?  Raya, these questons are all non-sequiturs…”

“Whatever that means! C’mon, answer!”

“I- I have Gen.”

Gen:  SQUAWK FWOOSH (A Gen would be a phoenix. A little tiny one that was liberated from Kael’thas by Varenna, who took and befriended the fiery bird. The name Gen coming from fellow pyromancer and close friend of Varenna’s, Genise Crownsilver.)

“S-she’s more of a friend than a pet.  And.  Er.  Caile gave me a dog.  …I-I think it’s a dog.  ….It has three heads.  Er.  S-she named it Corey.  ….It eats my clothes.”

“And with three heads, that must be some appetite! I’m surprised you’re not naked now! Twenty-one; What’s your favorite subject to discuss?”

“…I- …er…”

“That’s not even a semblance of an answer!”

“I-I’m thinking!”

“Oh dear… Well, we’ll wait! Take your time. It’s only one line to the readers.”

“I- er-  I- I guess it would be the theological and moral implications of the existence and combat against undeath.”

“Oh… Uhhh…”

(Several confused minutes later.) “Um… T..Twenty-two; Boxers, briefs, granny fit, full and snug, thong, or T-back?”

“…You’re joking.”

“Not a chance! It’s only underwear!”

“Your readers do not need to know what sort of underwear I wear.”

“I never asked what kind you wear. I just asked what kind you think are the best!”

“I don’t even recognize half those words!”

“I can bring out examples from my bags, or you can just pick one.” (This will be good!)

“I-I don’t-  w-  Raya!”

“This is the thong. I don’t have the grannies… One moment, I’m wearing the T… Pick, hurry!”

“Boxers!  Boxers, d-dear Light, you don’t have to show me!”

“Ahh, education! Aaaaand – Twenty-three; Do you prefer the sunrise or sunset? Though we just found out by the color of your cheeks that you really do love a full moon.”

“Raya!”

“You read it here, folks. I am the sunrise AND the sunset! I’m so sorry, Renna… Only two more questions. Hee.”

“…G-get on with it then…”

“Yes ma’am. Twenty-four; What is the most romantic thing that ever happened to you?”

“I don’t have time for romance.”

“So I see… And our last question. Number twenty-five;  Say the nicest, most true thing you personally think about me, Rayala Alleria, hee!”

“Y- you’re very nice, and I like you a lot, even though you’re insane.”

“Only about you, baby. Thank you so much, Varenna, this has been really, really fun!”

“You’re welcome.  ..I-  I think.”

“Everyone, this was the opening issue of Ebon Nights, starring the always lovely, and just bestest paladin ever, Varenna Sungale. I hope you enjoyed the read, and send her lots of chocolates and flowers! …And me too!”

Commander Mograine Has a Sequined Crotch

Why hello there again, everyone! It’s me, your colorful bundle of absolutely squeezeable death and joy, Rayala Alleria! I think I may just have a new entry to speak about to the lot of you.

I got in trouble today – gasp-ohnoes! - while I was in the field. You see, there was this vargul commanding a whole wave of very dangerous scourge, and only five of us Ebons. We weren’t so sure how to break his concentration to weaken the scourge under his control, so I got creative.

I flashed him.

Ten minutes later as we stood on the field of victory, I suddenly get a slap on the back of my head, and Commander Jorax just verbally tears into me! “Raya, you stupid girl! What were you thinking?! We’re warriors, respect yourself! We can overcome an obstacle without the use of such sick displays of self-demeaning!“

Sick? My boobs are sick?! So I got mad, and I said, “Hey, Commie-Jo, look. No one re-died, like they probably would have in a charge, no one was hurt on our side, and you all got to see boobs. Even if your blood doesn’t pump these days, that’s still a pretty sweet deal! And besides, what kind of respect can you possibly teach me as a forsaken death knight. You had to die and be reanimated twice to get this job, loser!”

So now I’m on suspension and have to work the armory for a week. And as I sit here now, stitching up what I believe may be Commander Mograine’s leather trousers, which are size: “Ohhh yeah!“, I can’t help but want to talk about the Knights.

A little over a year or so ago, Tirion Fordring kicked athritis in the face, and coincidentally, Arthas too, helping snap all these corrupted heroes of the Horde and Alliance out of their hypnotic, grimdark do-evil trances that had left him under his control. Huzzah,they were free!

But still dead for the most part. In the famous words of Caile T. Bluberrie; Oh snaps!

What would a bunch of dead and/or corrupted Knights, infused with the power to inflict chill and disease upon any who stood before them do, now that they were free of mental enslavement?

Well, technically, what could they not do? But for the most part, they were all good guys now, and we good guys, boy do we do silly things for people we don’t even know! Saving the world should come with at least your pick of a preferred trained brothel-guy for your entertainment, but instead, we get cookies.

Not a bad deal, but personally…

Oh right, so anyways, they all swore, under the command of mister Mograine, to fight to see Arthas put to death… Erm, redeath… Did he actually ever die? I’m thinking not, but whatever!

So a few weeks ago, we knocked down Arthas’ front door and will soon be playing Twister (Let there be nelves, please oh please!) in front of the Frozen Throne, and that begs the question; When Arthas is done, and the Knights have fulfilled their promise, what becomes of us? Do we all return to the grave? Do we get miraculously reintegrated into society and hope people don’t notice the jawless tauren with ribs showing in their restaurant booth?

Even in a world where we have gnomes as somehow being accepted into society, your average death knight is still pretty freaking weird. My death and rebirth was rather swift and not-so-gruesome, thankfully, so I’m not stuck with much more than an easily-concealed rope-burn around the neck, but some of these guys? Oh man, it’s like they were giving away body fragments for Hallows’ Eve candy!

Sorry, guys, if you’re reading. But you laughed when I fell off my gryphon last week and that was my paybacks.

Anyways, as I was saying, what’s a deader gonna do, when the wrath of the Lich King is no longer upon you?!

It’s actually kind of sad to think about. I’ve been training with these guys for over half a year now, and while it’s a real mixed bag, I can tell you that in persona, we’re not much different than you or the next guy reading. Most of the time, we have very civilized conversations. We joke and laugh, we get serious – we have emotions of a varying degree, I cry, they laugh. You know how it is, because you’re living!

Will they be accepted back? I mean, me, personally, touching up on the lack of major wounds, my stock has went through the roof! I’m no longer the baker’s daughter who hangs out at the Silver Feather. I’m now ‘that one really hot dead-ish chick!’ who all the mothers hate! So I won’t have a problem, and a few other Ebons will share the same joy. But to the ones who aren’t so lucky, what will they do?

Personally? I don’t want to reintegrate anymore. The Knights of the Ebon blade have become so much more to me than a group of risen soldiers coming to take up the good fight. These fellas are officially my family now. Even with them sneering at people calling me ‘The Ebon PR Babe‘, they’re still my brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts who share the love and pain – and the secrets about our really cute San’layn prisoner that I didn’t just mention.

There is no Horde to Alliance racism at the figurative dinner table. I have tauren and trolls as friends close to me, as well as humans and dwarves. (There are no gnome Runeknights, I promise!) But why would I ever want to disband that?

So in effect, I propose that once we send Arthas forever to the bloody Nether, the Knights of the Ebon Blade do not disband! After all, there’s still so much good we can do in the world. There’s millions of Scourge we’ll have to put back to rest. There’s criminals, and renegade bands like those nasty Blackrock fellas once were, or the Defias, who need reigning in. There’s bodyguard work, and ancient evils. Disease, famine, war, old gods, dragons, ogres, wild magic, fashion crises, and kobolds!

Think of the lives we could save by putting our unlives on the fronts to protect those in need! So hail to the Ebon Blade, and be happy in knowing that I’ll fight with all the love in my very, very, very huge heart to keep us around once our sworn oath is fulfilled. (Well, we may try to be rid of all the level fifty-five blood elf death knights, but that’s only because they’re unfunny!) And in the words of one Varenna Sungale…

Oh heck, did I just accidentally sew sequins to the crotch of commander Mograine’s battle breeches? Um, gotta go! Ta!

Why Hello There!

Why hello there and good evening readers! Welcome to Raya’s Ramblings: A Blog From Sunny Acherus!

I’m Rayala Alleria, Knight of the Ebon Blade and your host. Never fear, this won’t be a diary of angst and eye shadow, I represent a new breed of happy and perky Runeknights (She might be the only one!). What’s that you say? The Ebon Blade isn’t real Azeroth isn’t…? Well SURE, you hide behind your Fourth Wall and keep thinking that, buddy, I’ll be out here blogging and being REAL! (Real digital!)

Don’t mind the drooling ghoul in pink bandages, that’s my bodyguard, Franklin Fritz; he was my first love. Hey now, his current condition isn’t my fault. Had he not kissed and ran, he probably never would have fell in that lake and got stuck in all those ropes with weights tied to the bottom of them!

Aheh… Just kidding… (Or is she?!)

Anyways, now that we’re past that little unpleasantness and can all assume I’m real, I’ll tell you what to expect from Raya’s Ramblings! In my blog, I will be giving my opinion on the workings of Azeroth as I see them, as well as how I see the outside workings of it all. Don’t worry if I occasionally speak of devs, and CMs, and ARPen, and spell power and ThacO – it’s a necessary evil that all video game avatars brought to life must do! You’ll forgive me, I hope! (I’m too cute not to forgive, so remember that before you think I’m not. My pout tore apart the original Naxxramas; don’t listen to what the devs say.)

Oh, I almost forgot! Check in on occasion for new episodes of Ebon Nights, an article in which I accompany a random adventurer on a date of their choosing, and pick apart their brain for information on what makes them tick as a being in  Azeroth! If I can keep them from trying to feed me to the worgs, I’ll even occasionally cook dinner for one of them Horde folks too!

It’s sure to be a lot of fun, so check in and see, and let me know what I’m doing right and wrong on any given day. After all, with the Lich King himself about to be literally knocked off his throne, I may be looking for a new job soon, and what’s better than an undead, sword-wielding journalist? Steve Wilkos, I’m calling you out! Your time slot is mine!